I really don't know what to write in here. What I'm feeling right now is rather ineffable - I'm not sure if I'm comfortable writing about it just yet...mere words won't do my feelings justice.

New layout, everyone! Winter 04-05 (yes, the lazy way out of not doing a new layout every month) featuring cute little penguins - I didn't know they were inclined to have couples - and "More Than Words" by Extreme. I love that song, and yes, I am a fan of oldies :)

I went to a birthday/dinner party yesterday. Apparently, everyone loved my complexion because these adults kept on pointing at my face and asking my dad how my face got to be so glowing. I know the reason: my complexion used to be SO bad - oily, zitty, etc. Now that I've gotten the zit problem tamed and am now liberally putting on facial lotion, my complexion is definitely more appealing to the eye... now I don't have to grimace as much when I look in the mirror. :/

I am going to take the SAT I on December 4th (in a week!) and I'm going to do so horribly... I haven't "prepped" for it at all, a.k.a. review some math concepts and maybe go over some vocabulary. Grrr. I don't know what's going on in my life anymore - I need to get myself straightened out ASAP, for December is a busy, busy month.

Lyric O' the Moment: So I'm a little left of center / I'm a little out of tune / Some say I'm paranormal / So I just bend their spoon / Who wants to be ordinary / In a crazy, mixed-up world / I don't care what they're sayin' / As long as I'm your girl -"You Get Me" by Michelle Branch

Hi :) This past weekend was awesome - I love going on debate trips just for the fun of it. I went to judge JV (along with Joy), and it was quite an experience. Since most people who read this probably aren't debaters, I'm not going to delve in the frustration of the rounds because nobody cares... and the people that would have cared, I already blabbed to them about it ^_^' It just sucks when you judge people that you know are better than you - but judges have so much power, it's scary.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I laughed. So. Much. It was utterly ridiculous. The littlest things set me off, and once I start, it's like Pringles: the fun doesn't stop. Thanks to Zach, Nakul, and Brian L. for giving me one heck of a fun time (yes, I equivalate laughing a lot = fun) ... And the thing is, if I tried to tell you what made me laugh so hard, I would be at a loss. Must have been one of those "YOU HAD TO BE THERE!" moments. I tend to get those a lot. It was not necessarily a lot of jokes (good and bad) being spread around although there were some; it was just the humor of people and events, I suppose.

Hmm, well, I guess I never laugh that much at school anymore because of a combination of things:

• the people aren't that funny
• the people don't get me
• I don't get the people
• I'm always tired
• School is a depressing environment.

If you want more details about my trip, I guess you can click to my Xanga, although I do write about friends a lot.

Ooh, I think my dog got bit by a squirrel :( I'm sad, she always looks so down/depressed whenever nobody's tending to her attention needs... everything and everybody needs a little lovin' and carin'.

I put up a new cam picture after like, more than a month. I need to be better about this.

THANKSGIVING BREAK this Wednesday. I'm interested in seeing how my Thanksgiving 04 turns out. =) I need to catch up on many hours of lost sleep, get in touch with some people, shop for Christmas gifts, practice flute for district/all-state, study study study, and do a new layout (winter? who knows) ... this had better be good.

Musical Moment: I am hanging on every word you say / And even if you don't want to speak tonight / That's alright, alright with me / 'Cause I want nothing more than to sit / Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing / Is where I want to be -"Breathing" by Lifehouse

Aww, I've been in a slump lately. It may be associated with a monthly thing, it may not. Regardless, I've been moping and groaning and complaining... I'm sure all of my good friends think I'm annoying now. Please, please forgive me ^_^ ... you people mean the world to me :)

I need to start utilizing my cell phone. I have 2000 rollover minutes left. Plus, I rarely call people. There are certain people that I am just dying to call, but sometimes, it's really hard to get the courage to press. the. stupid. call. button. I'm the most silly person on earth...and IM has lost almost all of its personal value, so on the personal level scale...

Face to face > Phone > Letter > E-mail > IM

Or something like that. Feel free to alter the order.

I hate missing school. I am always swamped with makeup work/tests/whatever. Someone shoot me. No, I'm kidding, I embrace life. But seriously, everyday, I'm not happy. Even if there's not a lot of work to do, I'm still not YAYY HAPPY GO LUCKY WHOO! I need to rant to someone. I need to cry. I need someone to hold me. I need to hold someone. I need to write all of my thoughts down properly instead of things like "Today I went to the grocery store..." or something insignificant like this. I need to stop complaining, actually... ^_^

I have a question for you: So when is it love, really? I've been struggling to answer this daunting question for about three years now. Still haven't found a definite answer. Come Valentine's Day, I hope to have an answer...(just naming a holiday in the distant future).

Okay, enough of this utter nonsense. Off to study!

Hey all. Sorry for the lack of updates... I usually write utter randomness in my Xanga, so if you want to keep up with me, should this blog prove inadequate, you can visit my Xanga here: click me! Generally, I keep well-thought-out entries on this blog here and the randomness on the Xanga... you know, the "I'm bored/hungry/tired" type entries. :)

So today was awfully cold... right now, I'm standing with my tshirt, pajama pants, AND my really super long (and obese) scarf from Forever 21. It is quiet warm, except I am in need of gloves. My hands are so dry and chapped from the coldness... -_- More lotion-slathering time, eh? I hate putting on lotion... it gets everywhere, it takes awhile to soak in the skin, and I always forget to put on lotion.

Tonight was the annual Veteran's Day concert... a salute to all of our veterans. Mr. Barney spoke, yay, that was nice... I'm so used to hearing him speak in class, but in an environment like at the church with all these veterans, it felt different... anyway, he's a really nice guy. I played the Stars and Stripe piccolo part with Janki and Christina... that went pretty well, considering I haven't practiced this but four times since last year... I still remember how to play all of that piece!!! And most of the other pieces by memory since we played them so many times last year. You know, if I don't start using earplugs soon, I'm going to be deaf by 25... those piccolos are shrill!

Anyway, off to conquer so more unfinished homework. For those that I usually visit: sorry my visits have been so sporadic/few =( I hate my life right now, well, the workload, anyway... or maybe I just work too hard.

Just finished: The Sterkarm Handshake by Susan Price (nice!)
Currently reading: Henry and Clara by Thomas Mallon.

I'm so sleepy...

Earlier, I was doing homework on my bed (yes, I know, not a smart move) ... and I decided to lay my head down for just a little bit when... I woke up 5 hours later.

... Ok, not really, but it's happened before. Thank goodness it wasn't today :) I have a Trig test tomorrow.

94 ON INCLASS ESSAY! THANK GOODNESS...after the last one, I could have sworn I got another mid-B. It has gotten to the point where I take any A, no matter how high or low, in AP Lit... see, I used to hate grades like 91, but now, I treat it like it's a 99 or something... whoohoo. School is kicking my butt (physically - my health is so bad right now... I've gotten two-three illnesses or so this past month). Plus, more "bad" grades are filtering in this year... for example, I've gotten more Cs than I have ever gotten in my schooling career up to this point. Minor grades, but still... when a big red 70 is smack dab in the middle of your paper, it hurts.

So Bush won four more years... I have mixed feelings about this, and I'm sure the rest of America does, too. I hope that during the next four years, he takes steps to bring the country together because looking at the election, we're so deeply split. Kerry's right - we need unity. Hello, the United States of America... I have a lot of friends that are leaning more Democratic, and all this "Bush sucks" talk makes me wonder. Whether you hate him or not, we're stuck with him for another four years. Something interesting I learned in U.S. History - Look at Abraham Lincoln. whom we consider a great president today... he was not popular with the people--he didn't even have friends in the White House-- for the most part, until the turning points of the Civil War. That's weird - not knowing the politics of the Civil War, I always thought that everyone loved Lincoln, but no, that wasn't true. Yet look how he is portrayed now. o_O I wonder how Bush will go down in history. How will I explain him to my kids? Hopefully not using all the derogatory statements that my friends used. He has his good points and his bad points, just like you and me.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" This question, not a common question to begin with, was asked to me not once, but twice yesterday, by two different people. No, they weren't guys who were looking for a girl, and no, the females who asked me weren't lesbian/bi (cough, Ellen Y)... one of my good friends and one of my teachers I had last year were the ones who asked me. I just found that so weird that such a question of great personal weight would be brought up twice in one single day. My personal life is pretty...interesting. Well. I have some reasons why I don't have a boyfriend right now, but sometimes, that inner girl breaks loose from its cage and takes over my emotions and thoughts. I just wish I won't do or say something stupid like I did last time and regret it for years to come. Hey, but you know what they say: you learn by doing ... (like, committing mistakes?) -_-

Dust to Dust ... what the?