Wow, this morning, I was lying in my bed. I kept on waking up, thinking that it's really bright, but I'd always drift off again and start dreaming. The dreams probably last like, 2 minutes, because I keep on waking up again and repeating the same cycle until I finally got up at 12:15 pm. Sheesh! I need to stop sleeping at 2am every night.

Last night I got home around 11:30pm. I spent the rest of the night (morning?) reading a book and writing in my journal. Go figure. I get kind of lazy with my personal journal so I always end up backdating about 2 entries a day or so. Which is kind of bad because I forget things very easily, especially thoughts and emotions that run through me.

I watched X-Men3 on Saturday! It was all right. Yes, it could have been better, with the character development, but if people want an action flick, then fine.

I'm finally learning how to program.

My dad lent me his STEP BY STEP Microsoft Visual Basic 6.0 Professional book, which is hilarious since it's been sitting on our bookshelf for ___ months/years now and I never realized what it was. D'oh. Anyway, I love self-teaching guides. :) I like to teach myself new things.

At the scholarship awards ceremony today, I reunited with this guy that I often saw at District Band - hi Thomas :) It was so nice seeing him again - I remember thinking he was very dorky, but he's grown to be quite the gentleman (though his silly but kind smile still strikes a chord in my heart). Anyway, he told me he possibly wanted to be a weatherman, which is nice because I can see him as one.

At the ceremony I met a girl who's going to UNC-Chapel Hill. LUCKY ... I would have gone there, too, if UNC-CH gave me more money. :( I know it's a great school, but my family was paying like 80% of the total cost. Which is not cool...

I'm excited for college. Apprehensive but excited.

I went on a walk twice today! Once in the morning and in the evening. I need to watch my weight because all this sitting around = fat Dani! Haha. I'm not kidding. Apparently a lot of female CS majors have disproportionately big butts! OH NO I don't want mine to get any bigger.

Je t'aime!

Hey.

So I'm alive, yes.

Today was the first day I didn't have to be at school. High school, that is.

It feels so surreal. It hasn't hit me quite yet that I won't be returning to high school as a full-time student now. Sure, I made a facebook (if you have one, let me know!) and signed all those yearbooks, but right now I feel like I'm on extended vacation. Spring break. Fall break. One of those.

I suddenly feel tremendously sad.

But excited. Yes, definitely excited.

Anyway, I'm translating a Chinese book right now. I don't know like, 80% of Chinese words. My speaking/hearing is decent but reading/writing I definitely need to work on. It also stinks that I'm learning Traditional Chinese because my parents are from Taiwan, but in almost every college the classes will be Simplified Chinese because that is *the* Chinese to use, especially in business. I hope I'm not a dying breed...

Not all that glitters is gold.

This year's yearbook is gorgeous. I'm so relieved that the yearbook turned out really well my senior year. None of that, "All right so the silver on the front rubbed off, I'm sorry" on the cover. It looks professional because it's black and sleek, and it has a neat theme: "Be." The first couple of pages are glossy - "as if the photos were about to jump out at you!" Bravo. Well, of course, the text will always be too small, but if you want lots of pictures, so be it. That is a yearbook: a pictoral way to show memories!

I was signing my friends' yearbooks yesterday. I did end up writing 4/5 - 1 page for a lot of them. One of my friends that I wanted to write a good bit for didn't have a yearbook! The way I see it, a yearbook signing can be be a time where you admit deep dark secrets - embedded in the back pages of Olive Garden and some dentists that nobody cares to see. For some people, I did wish to write certain things I could not say. Why am I treating these as deep, dark confessions...

I think I am a girl of secrets because although yes, I can be extremely loud and hyper (as my friends and family have witnessed), I still have this quality of silence to me. I think I inherited both of these qualities from my parents. My dad is silent and strong - you know those bad boy images? My aunt compared Jay Chou (dark, mysterious, not bad looking "bad boy" Taiwanese singer) to my dad! He really doesn't waste his breath on idle words and is often very quiet. My mom is the cute, giddy, TALKATIVE Asian mom everyone pictures. What a contrast! I wonder how they ended up liking each other.

I need to post more entries because I do have a lot to say. I just forget to write it down or am too lazy. :)

Haha.

So I've reflected on my blog name. "Insouciant" means carefree, and I realized, well, these past 4 years I don't think I've been "insouciant" much at all. I mean, that was my goal right? I even named my blog after it... but no. I've been really uptight, especially of the late, especially when grades are concerned.

So maybe I am a nerd.

Before you affirm my statement with a definite, "OH YES YOU ARE!" let's think about the common definition of a nerd: one who studies all the time. All the time meaning I plan out my day studying from 8am-8pm. Uh, well, not really. When I need to work hard (ie: TEST coming up), yes, I will work hard. But that doesn't mean I have no fun, either. I don't know. Whenever people are like, "You nerd!" I think, "Eh, is that necessarily a bad thing?" If I am really what people call the epitome of a nerd, then nerds can work hard AND get their fun in. Maybe this is a geeky thing to do, but uh, yeah, in my spare time, I play video games. I write. I read. I laugh. I talk. I eat ice cream :) *Tuesday Night Special $1* I love. Maybe being a nerd, if I really am one, isn't so bad after all. It's not like I spend nights studying till 3am - my latest is usually 1:30am and that's only if necessary :P

May 20, 2006 is rapidly approaching. The day that we've all been waiting for is finally here. Yet, all of us want to put on the brakes and plead with Time to slow down just one more week, one more month, maybe even one more year. I was reading in the yearbook those side inserts, and one of them was about regrets. Just a little more time would suffice for all those lost opportunities. One of the girls says, "I have no regrets!!" But do you really? Do you really? Sure, your experiences make up who you are today - most likely a wonderful person loved by most everyone - but isn't there ever that nagging little voice that is like, "Why didn't you call him... why didn't you run for student council... what happened if you did go down that other path that one night..."

Okay, so maybe it is too late for some opportunities. I still have those voices in my head (although growing fainter by the day). Sometimes, I do wonder if I should have held my tongue that one day, or if I shouldn't have lost it that one day... I can get rather acerbic, although sometimes I don't know it (or I do know it and feel guilty immediately afterwards). I need to curb that characteristic of mine.