Gosh, my emotional roller coaster ride (har! trig project...) has been hitting some bumps and some really steep hills... -_- Sigh, I think my hormonal levels must be imbalanced and I need some medication. Either that, or my emotions are trying to tell me that something's up. See, on my trig project, I was going to name my roller coaster ride "Only to Fall Again," but I changed it...

This morning, I woke up scared for my life...I woke up breathing heavily and gladly taking my surroundings in--yes, I'm still alive, and yes, I'm still in the comforts of my own room. I dreamt about my friend and me, and she and I, for some reason, devised a plot... and I remember seeing her with a revolver/gun and shooting and killing these people, people that were our friends (in band?), one by one, until she suddenly stopped at this one person, and she fled. I remember seeing the bodies crumple... I had a revolver too, so I think I dropped it and ran... where I ran and hid, I don't remember. I just remember feeling really scared for my life, and how eventually people would know it was my friend (let's call her Katie) who commited those heinous acts, and I was somehow tied in with her... I think I was trying to hide the evidence (the gun) and also praying that nobody would know that I knew about the plot, and that I actually had a gun in my possession... I was debating on whether I should tell someone of higher authority (teacher?) that I knew it was her and I was involved, too, although I didn't technically do anything...it was terrifying being in that position, and sadly, I have felt this way before. I'm sure everyone's been in that position, although perhaps not as drastic...

I went shopping this weekend. Dillard's was cleaning out its summer stuff... see, the best time to shop is when it's the transition of seasons because stores throw out their stuff at cheap prices... good for you, the shopper. :) I bought this really pretty pink, flowery dress for only $4 (regular price must have been $30 or so)... and some other articles of clothing for cheap prices. I'm content, I guess. Well, I'm not the type of person to be thrilled or ecstatic about buying clothes, unlike some people.

Yeah, to try to boost my mood, I exercised today for about 30 minutes... my mood was temporarily boosted, but now, I'm all depressed/tired/lazy/mmmmphhh again. :( How does one cheer oneself up? I don't think I'll be truly happy until Christmas (well, December)... in two months. I don't even really know why I'm so depressed/down all the time because there's really no good reason. This is weird because last year, fall 2003, my journal entries tell me that I was a happy-go-lucky sophomore... just having the time of my life despite my ups and downs. This year, I feel like I've been sapped of all emotion/energy... and all I am left to deal with is apathy and the ocassional bitter cynicism.