I thought once I came back home to Georgia, I would be stress free...I mean school's over for the semester! But now... As I'm about to go to bed, I still feel really troubled. And I hate sleeping with a heavy mind but I've been doing that all semester (if I get any sleep at all).

Lately I've been having trouble sleeping (... again! I thought I got this issue resolved) and so I had to go back to my melatonin pills. Hated it but then the alternative would be to lie awake until 6am.

I talked to one of my good friends about life issues the other day...haven't really talked to her in awhile and missed her chats... just got me thinking about what the hell do I really want in life, and if I should do things for myself, not just performing actions based on what others say/think/expect of me. Is that what I've been doing my entire life? Not thinking for myself? Just going on blindly?

I've definitely been questioning a lot of things in life lately. As I grow older, I should be gradually starting to learn how to make decisions for myself. I don't know why I find this everyday task so hard to do, but I realize now that... wow, I really don't decide a lot of things for myself but am often pushed around by what others (especially... FAMILY) say. But then I ask myself, "Dani, what do you want?" And a lot of times, I can't answer...

Oh, why am I so complex? Why can't certain things for me just be a yes/no type thing like it should be as I just sit back and just weigh out the options until the end of time?

I guess I just wanted everything to be figured out. Right. Now. But then she told me, "You're 19, you don't have to have things figured out entirely right now."

I hate how I can't sleep when I go through moods like this (which is often). I hate how a lot of nights I lie there, thinking too much and just being tormented...